Have you ever noticed the same difficulty appearing in different parts of your life? Perhaps you keep agreeing to things you don’t have time for, hold back from opportunities, or find yourself questioning whether you’re good enough.
In my work, I’m interested in exploring these recurring patterns: the assumptions we make, the meaning we give to situations and the ways we respond.
Understanding a pattern can create room for a different response. The starting point is curiosity about what’s happening, rather than criticism of yourself.
What I mean by a “core programme”
I sometimes use the phrase “core programme” to describe a familiar collection of beliefs, expectations and habits that can feel automatic.
For example, you might recognise an assumption such as:
- “I must keep everyone happy.”
- “If I make a mistake, people will think less of me.”
- “I need to be certain before I act.”
“Core programme” is my metaphor for exploring these patterns, rather than a diagnosis or a claim that one hidden mechanism explains every difficulty.
Our circumstances matter too. Work demands, relationships, health and past experiences deserve attention alongside what we think and do. Exploring your responses should never mean blaming yourself for everything you’re facing.
When saying yes becomes a pattern
Imagine someone who regularly agrees to extra work despite already feeling stretched. They might worry that saying no will disappoint people or make them seem unreliable.
A useful conversation could explore both the workload and the meaning of saying no. What are they expecting to happen? What choices do they realistically have? What support or changes might they need?
Recognising the assumption is one part of the work. Practising a boundary, discussing expectations or changing an unsustainable situation may matter just as much.
When uncertainty keeps you stuck
Another example is postponing something important until you feel completely confident about it.
You might recognise thoughts such as “What if this goes wrong?” or “I need to think about it a little more.” Sometimes further consideration is useful. At other times, you may notice yourself returning to the same questions without reaching a decision.
In a coaching conversation, we might explore what information you genuinely need, what remains uncertain and whether there is a manageable next step.
The aim is to make a considered choice that takes account of both the possibilities and the risks.
Understanding and practical change can work together
I value the moments when someone sees a familiar difficulty differently. But insight doesn’t have to do all the work.
CBT explores connections between thoughts, feelings and behaviour, and includes practical ways of working with unhelpful patterns. Understanding what keeps a difficulty going and trying a different response can be complementary parts of that process.
If something you’ve tried hasn’t helped, that deserves an open conversation about your experience, your needs and what might be useful next. It doesn’t establish that you have failed or that one hidden cause has been missed.
When seeking support feels difficult
You may want help and still feel uncertain about starting. Cost, time, energy, previous experiences and concerns about the process can all influence that decision.
You don’t have to prove your commitment by ignoring those concerns. An introductory conversation is an opportunity to ask questions, explain what feels difficult and consider whether the support is right for you.
You are also free to decide that a particular practitioner or approach isn’t a good fit.
What a clearer mind means to me
In my writing, I use “a clear mind” to describe moments when I feel less caught up in mental noise and more able to notice what matters.
That is a personal way of describing an experience, rather than a promise of permanent calm or freedom from every difficulty. For me, the value lies in having more room to respond thoughtfully and make choices that reflect what matters.
I explore this perspective further in my book, A Clear Mind.
Exploring your own patterns
You might begin by considering one recent situation:
- What happened?
- What did I assume it meant?
- How did I respond?
- What in the situation needs attention or support?
- What could I explore or try differently?
These questions are an invitation to reflect, rather than a test you need to get right.
If you would like support, you can learn about my CBT therapy and life coaching sessions. I work in Ferndown, Dorset, and online across the UK. A free 20-minute introductory call gives us an opportunity to discuss what you’re looking for and whether working together could be appropriate.